I wrote the following for a creative writing workshop assignment.John, my husband, had oropharangeal cancer a few years ago and I thought he was not going to make it through the battle. It was difficult for me to sit by and watch the fight. He is a survivor.I don't usually write to submit to any periodicals; however, I did submit this to Chicken Soup for the Soul - "A Book of Miracles" edition. I have no idea why. Maybe because I like it and the fact that my husband is still with me. We shall see what happens. (It doesn't format quite right here, I'll play with that later)
A
AC/DC – “play it at my funeral”, you said.
“Acid-reflux”, dr. said. It wasn’t.
Advanced.
A scratchy throat,
Anger,
A year gone by.
B
Bandages, gauze and tape.
Base of tongue, biopsy of.
Battle. Hang in there. Struggle. Win the
Big Fight
Bills, piles of.
Blood tests, too many.
Bravery.
C
Cancer.
Can’t be true.
Can’t eat.
Can’t swallow.
Carcinoma.
CBC (complete blood count)
, hct
, hgb
, mcv
, mchc
, plt
, rdw. Does the dr. speak English?
Chemo, 5FU, (flurouracil)
, CDDP, (cisplatin)
, drugs, who makes up names for?
Cleanliness, importance of.
Crushed pills.
Constipation, from pain killers.
“Try coffee”, dau. said.
D
Death?
Dehydrated. Rehydrated.
Depression.
Despair.
Diagnosis – 141.0.
Doctors: Neil,
Palumbo,
Rajput,
Sy,
Tomek,
Zaentz.
Don’t die! Please don’t die.
E
Energy depleted.
Ensure you get enough Ensure.
You liked generic better.
Only vanilla flavor, please.
Ethyol injections -Save the salivary glands. Maybe.
Esophagus, stretching procedure.
, swallow test.
Every day:
Examinations and
Exhaustion.
F
Failing.
Family worried.
Feeding tube. Food pump.
Fevers.
Funeral planning? Catholic? Or what?
G
G-tube, aliases - Gastric tube, PEG.
, dressing wounds
, falling out
, flushing
, giving meds
, hole
, protecting
, problems
, second one
Gauze, squares. (See bandages).
Google-IT, All of the “its”.
Grandchildren, angels
, born during battle
, five weeks apart
, miracles
, two of them.
H
Helpless.
Hopeful.
Hopeless.
Hospital, in on Halloween.
Huber needles.
Husband, I love you.
I
Incisions.
Infections.
Injections.
In 2003 there were 277,000 new cases of oral cavity
and pharyngeal cancers
and 7200 people died from this disease in the U.S.
IVs.
J
Jabbed with needles.
Jackets in warm weather. You, always cold.
Jalapenos, you won’t be able to eat them.
Jargon, doctor’s. Foreign terms spoken with foreign accent.
Jaw, can’t open too far.
Jello.
Jerking constantly, your body.
Just get through this, please.
K
Keep from crying, me. Put up a good front.
Keep from dying, you. Put up a good fight.
Kill cancer cells, with chemo.
, with radiation.
Kill pain.
Kindness, of many.
, of nurses.
L
Lack of sleep, mine.
, yours.
Lettuce. “Don’t eat”, said doc.
Leucopenia: reduced leucocytes, low white blood count.
Life?
Lingual tonsil, left. Take it out.
Love. “I love you” “We love you”.
Lymph nodes. “IT has spread there too”.
M
Malignant neoplasm tongue base.
Mask, bolted to a table
, primitive looking
, scary, stiff, netted, white
, worn during radiation.
Medications, many.
Metastasized.
Minister : “Let’s have coffee”. I wouldn’t.
: “Let’s pray”. I couldn’t.
Miracle, wanted.
Misery, mine.
, yours.
Morphine, liquid.
N
Nausea.
Needles.
Nonsense you babbled.
No solid food. Then no food and then
Nutritional supplement.
Nurses.
O
Odors, Smells and Stenches.
Ologies: Hematology, epidemiology, oncology, radiology, pathology.
Opsies: Biopsy, Endoscopy.
Operations
Oropharyngeal.
P
Pain.
Pain patch.
PET scans.
Phlegm, gagging on
, choking on
, drowning in
, thick
, side effect of radiation.
Port.
Prognosis?
Q
Quality care.
Queasy feelings, causes of mine.
, causes of yours.
Queries, mine.
, theirs.
Quit hoping, never.
R
Radiation, 5 days a week. 6 weeks.
Recliner, where you slept when you could
, it kept you sitting upright
, so you wouldn’t choke.
Risks: cigarettes, cigars, pipe smoking.
S
Saliva, lack of.
Salivary glands, blasted.
Sick.Ailing. Ill.
Silence & Reflection.
Skin, aloe lotion for
, burnt
, dry
, flaking
, radiated
, red
Squamous cell,
Stage IV.
Statistic: Cancers of oral cavity and pharynx account for 3% of all cancers in U.S.
Struggles.
Suction machine for phlegm.
Supplements, nutritional.
T
Tatoos, purple, for radiation.
Teeth., destroyed by radiation.
Throat, sore, from radiation.
Tonsillectomy, lingual tonsils. Operation leads to diagnosis.
U
Until death do us part.
Uselessness, my feelings of.
, your feelings of. And how they differ.
Utter despair.
V
Victory.
Visiting nurses.
Vomit, mine at seeing
, yours.
W
Waist pack, portable pump, for chemo.
Waiting, I hate to.
Wan.
Weak.
Weight loss. (The Cancer Diet).
Winner. You.
X
X-ray, showed nothing.
Xanax. (Alprazolam). Anxiety.
Xerostomia: dry mouth experienced when body doesn’t produce enough saliva.
XXs tattooed in purple ink by dr. on your neck.
Y
Yahoo!
You pulled through.
You won.
Z
Zapped, with radiation.
Zero cancer cells.
Zest for life.
